My Journey

Have you ever been in a situation where it felt as if it wasn’t real - but it was?

I have.

I want to share about it.

However I’m scared.

What are we to do in the moments where we would rewind time if we could, but life continues to move forward?

What are we to do in the moments where we have more questions than answers and more anxiety than certainty?

How are we to be there for the people who depend on us, when we don’t know what is going to happen?

On March 24, 2021 I saw an Urology doctor who quickly assessed me, and scheduled me for surgery.

On March 25, 2021 I had a scan my doctor needed.

On March 26, 2021 I had surgery.

On April 2, 2021 I was diagnosed with Testicular Cancer.

Now before I continue, I want to just be clear. So many people that are diagnosed with cancer have a harder, more challenging battle than I did.

They also experienced everything I experienced on a deeper, heavier, and harder scale than I did. I’ve been so sensitive to those diagnosed with cancer because I’ve had a small taste of what the emotions feel like and the mental wear it has on you.

I’ve been very blessed by the hand of the Lord, and for some reason He saw fit to heal me. I don’t know why, I can’t explain it, I didn’t do anything for it, yet He chose to do it. For that I’m in awe and forever grateful.

In my first appointment with the Urologist, I was humbled. For the longest time I’ve never really been sick, never went to the doctor more than yearly check ups, and have been in good health. However, as soon as he assessed me, he quickly knew it wasn’t good.

The weird part of this diagnosis was my age. Typically with testicular cancer it is developed when puberty begins for young men, or later in life 55-70 years old. Me being 26 years old was very unique and the doctor said, “strange”.

Now I was humbled because I was quickly reminded of the uncertainty of this body and this life. Even though I was and have been extremely fortunate, I didn’t know that in the moment.

Thankfully my doctor made quick decisions to get me a scan the next day, and surgery in two days.

This, this right here were the moments that seemed to be moving forward so fast that I couldn’t keep up and I wanted to rewind. Yet I couldn’t. It was always just out of my reach. These three days there was more uncertainty, more questions, more doubt, and more anger that arose from me than ever before in my life.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t really prepared for the situation. Is anyone prepared for this? So again, reality seemed to be just out of my grasps in these three days.

Surgery was a success. There were no complications before, during, or after surgery.

Then, after a week of recovery I came back to the doctor and got the official diagnosis of cancer. Going into surgery I knew that it was likely cancerous, but hearing it officially come from a doctor just hit different.

I remember sitting in the small office with the classic paint color on the wall, the fluorescent lights, and being in room 3. As the words came out of his mouth, I was stunned. I remember hearing him talking after, but it was off in the distance.

I was trying to recover from hearing that I had cancer.

Once I came back, the doctor told me our course of treatment. First I would have a CT scan every 3 months with blood work and a visit back to him. He then advised me to meet with an oncologist and with a hematologist.

I remember leaving the doctors office and letting my beautiful wife know what the doctor said. She was heartbroken, scared, worried, but before all that she cared for me.

We had one daughter already, Shiloh, who was 1 year and 7 months old. Alyssa was also 7 months pregnant with our second little girl, Kollyns.

So this question: how are we to be there for the people who depend on us, when we don’t know what is going to happen? Yeah, it hit me and hit me hard.

As I said before, I’ve been extremely blessed by the Lord Himself regarding my health. I saw a radiologist and he recommended not to pursue radiation treatment but it was our choice. So Alyssa and I prayer and felt a peace like we weren’t supposed to do radiation.

Then we met with a hematologist to see if I needed to do chemo. Again, the hematologist didn’t recommend chemo, but it was our choice. And again, we chose not do chemo treatment.

From March 2021-March 2022 I had a CT scan with contrast every three months like clock work. Then from that appointment I would go get blood drawn so the doctors could look at my numbers and levels.

Currently I’m on schedule to do scans and blood work every 6 months. This will allow the doctors to watch my body and see if any cancer reappears. The likelihood of this is slim, however, if I’m being honest - it’s always lingering in my head.

So what did I learn?

What is God teaching me through this? The pastor and communicator inside of me wants to give you 5 points that all start with the letter “C” but that wouldn’t be real.

God is teaching me one thing through this process. Here it is:

God is not just in today, He is also in tomorrow.

I’ll admit it, I’ve got control issues. I want to be the one who takes the blame if things don’t work out, not someone else. Therefore I take control. I trust my skills and abilities more than I trust others (which is pride and a whole separate issue). Therefore I take control.

I have control issues.

With my life, I want to have control. This whole situation was out of my control. I didn’t get time to process, it was less than 48 hours from initial visit to surgery. I didn’t get to pick my doctor. I didn’t get to choose the result. There wasn’t something I could’ve done to prevent this. I couldn’t bring certainty to an uncertain situation.

After months of prayer, anger (which I’m still angry sometimes), waiting, listening, and lack of control I gently saw the Lord reveal this to me.

God is not just in today, He is also in tomorrow.

Matthew 6:25-34 is a famous place in Scripture for followers of Jesus and even unbelievers to go, regarding the topic of worry. It’s a powerful piece of Scripture.

Jesus is teaching and saying we aren’t to worry or be anxious. He says that he provides for the birds and the grass of the field who are here today but gone tomorrow. He then says, if I provide for them, won’t I provide for you? “Are you not of more value than they?”

Jesus continues and says, “Therefore do not be anxious saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But first, seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

In this uncertainty, I’ve asked God if this was true. I asked Him, am I more valuable than the birds or the grass? I asked Him, I’ve been seeking you (not perfectly of course) why is this happening? I asked Him, you know what I need before I know I need it or ask for it, so why are you allowing this to happen if you know it’s coming?

I don’t have a deep theological answer for you regarding those questions, but what I do have is faith. I have faith that my God is not just in today, He is also in tomorrow. I have faith that I am more valuable than the birds or the grass because He said I was.

I have faith in the plans of the Lord and that this was His will for my life. He knew exactly what was going to happen and in my disbelief, uncertainty, and the feeling of losing control, He was there. He had my hand. He knew the outcome.

I always promote vulnerability to my family, to my friends, to those who read this page, to students in student ministries I’ve lead but I haven’t been modeling it.

For the past year and 8 months I’ve held this close to my heart. Only my closest family and friends know. I’ve tried to figure out why I haven’t shared this part of my story yet and I honestly know that pride is a reason. I also fear people’s response. I was worried about being embarrassed.

The main reason I feel like I haven’t shared this part of my story yet is, I had not adopted this truth into my life fully so I wasn’t at a place to share it.

By no means do I have this down. I promise, I don’t. However, I do believe by the grace and mercy of our heavenly Father I’m able to live in freedom because my God is not just in today, He is also in tomorrow.

I’ve been physically healed for now, but it will either come back or something else will arise. Others are still fighting cancer in their life. Others have loved ones fighting. Many have lost their physically life to cancer.

The truth is still the same - God is not just in today, He is also in tomorrow.

I know that for me, when that diagnosis comes again or that next health concern arises, He is with me. He may heal me again - He is with me. He may not heal me again, but He will take me to where He is in heaven and I’ll be near Him. This is ultimate healing!


No matter what - God is not just in today, He is also in tomorrow.